Friends, not fans, please ^_^
When I went into novel writing, what I wanted was one, to earn a bit of extra money; two, to see my name (or pen name, as I don’t use my real name) on the cover of a book; three, of course, be able to create a story that will make it somehow sell more than 10 copies excluding those I buy for myself, my mom, my mom’s friends, and some of my friends, else, my publisher may ask me to just stop contributing because I’m a waste of time; four, be told I write well, or if not, just fairly well and that a reader’s P29 (at the time, which has now increased to P32 a piece for the regular print and P65 for Premium) was worth it and maybe just a tad more; and five, be more than a one-hit wonder.
That’s about it. Popularity is just icing on the cake.
Of course, I expected to be popular with my friends. I expected them to buy my books, even if they won’t read ’em. Just for posterity, you know? And for support. Some of them do. A lot of them don’t. Not that they don’t want to show support for my work. Tagalog romance novels just aren’t their thing. But I still wish they would buy my books. 😀
Oh, well. Didn’t stop me from creating more and more stuff. At least, my parents love my work. So do some close friends who have been with me since the beginning. As the novels came, I also created more friends. Some of them are fellow writers, others avid readers with whom I became friends through time.
And the icing just came. There’s not a lot, I mean, there isn’t much cake just yet. It’s not much fun having a cupcake that you can’t find underneath all the icing. What I love about my icing is that it ain’t made of too much sugar. Yep, that’s right. Not too sweet, and with just the right amount of spice and tang.
See, sugar is what fans bring. They smother you with sweet words and butter you up with empty praises you don’t need. Oh, I know sometimes it’s fun and ego-boosting to hear all that but sometimes one tends to wince at too much sweetness. It isn’t natural. I don’t exactly want to get diabetes.
I’m saying I’m thankful for having fans but really, I’d rather have friends. Or acquaintances who can come close to being friends. Those who can be honest enough to tell me my work sucked and needs a little more effort here and there and I’m made to feel that the reason why I’m being told my work sucked is that they are concerned about me improving myself.
And I do want to improve myself. I want to improve how I can leave a good impression on the readers by inspiring them with more than just a kilig romantic story. I don’t want to be a preacher. Just a subtle push to the right direction by creating sensible plot situations.
So, are you my friend? Or just a fan?
EDIT:
by the way, there’s also one thing i like about having friends. you don’t all have to agree with everything i say as gospel truth. we can debate and discuss over issues, and trivial stuff. or you can tell me to go to hell because i went overboard with a post or a comment. and i want friends because i’m no celebrity and therefore, don’t deserve fans.
there.
So You Want To Be A Writer by Charles Bukowski
if it doesn’t come bursting out of you
in spite of everything,
don’t do it.
unless it comes unasked out of your
heart and your mind and your mouth
and your gut,
don’t do it.
if you have to sit for hours
staring at your computer screen
or hunched over your
typewriter
searching for words,
don’t do it.
if you’re doing it for money or
fame,
don’t do it.
if you’re doing it because you want
women in your bed,
don’t do it.
if you have to sit there and
rewrite it again and again,
don’t do it.
if it’s hard work just thinking about doing it,
don’t do it.
if you’re trying to write like somebody
else,
forget about it.
if you have to wait for it to roar out of
you,
then wait patiently.
if it never does roar out of you,
do something else.
if you first have to read it to your wife
or your girlfriend or your boyfriend
or your parents or to anybody at all,
you’re not ready.
don’t be like so many writers,
don’t be like so many thousands of
people who call themselves writers,
don’t be dull and boring and
pretentious, don’t be consumed with self-
love.
the libraries of the world have
yawned themselves to
sleep
over your kind.
don’t add to that.
don’t do it.
unless it comes out of
your soul like a rocket,
unless being still would
drive you to madness or
suicide or murder,
don’t do it.
unless the sun inside you is
burning your gut,
don’t do it.
when it is truly time,
and if you have been chosen,
it will do it by
itself and it will keep on doing it
until you die or it dies in you.
there is no other way.
and there never was.
(from http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2012/10/19/so-you-want-to-be-a-writer-charles-bukowski/)
My Sacrifice (MSV After Dark)
“Did you know the folks here used to believe that each year, this river steals a life?” narinig niyang tanong ng misteryosong lalaki na nasa paanan ng tulay.
“How did you know that? Taga-rito ka ba?” Nagdesisyon si Faye na lapitan at salubungin ang tingin nito, at tumigil yata ang kaniyang paghinga. Mukhang god ang kaniyang kaharap!
“I’m fairly new to this place, pero matagal-tagal na rin mula nakalipat ako,” anito.
“So totoo ang sabi ng mga matatanda. May pakpak ang balita, kaya alam mo ang tungkol sa myth ng ilog na ito.”
Unti-unting umangat ang gilid ng mga labi nito bilang ngiti. Sinabayan niya iyon. Dumantay ang palad nito sa kanyang kamay at doon siya natauhan. His hand, his palm was ice cold.
God! Parang kamay ng isang bangkay!
Trivia:
there’s an excerpt here, if you’d like to look at it…
the places mentioned in the story are real places in Ilocos Sur. i can’t say i grew up there because i wasn’t born there. but my father did. and i know the area fairly well. it’s near our relatives’ homes, including that of my great grandmother.
i didn’t want to write about vampires. nor werewolves (but with my infatuation with Alcide Herveaux, i might). so basahin niyo na lang kung anong nilalang si Aurelius. 🙂
the original cover peg i found was of this model, Brad Kroenig. kaya lang, i chanced on an airing of Van Helsing on HBO, and saw Velkan, and when i researched for pics of Will Kemp, i saw this close up shot that said to me, ‘i’m Aurelius.’ so there.
depending on your threshold for mystery-thriller stories, be prepared to be afraid. bwahahahaha!!!
i thank my aunt, my Dad’s cuz, Cherry Gonzales-Toquero, who helped me think of the names of Aurelius’ clan by supplying me with the Ilocano terms that I needed. and i thank my other aunt, Dad’s sis and my ninang (godmother), Amelia Gonzales, from whom i heard these strange stories that prevailed in the province long before i was born. hehehe.
Fabulously Forty
masyado ako maraming gustong sabihin, ni hindi ko alam paano sabihin. pero ang suma total ng lahat ng ito, gusto ko lang magpasalamat.
life begins at 40 daw, at ngayon ang umpisa ng buhay para sa akin. pero kung tatanungin niyo ako, hindi naman ako hindi nabuhay bago ang edad na ito kaya ewan ko lang talaga kung ano’ng ibig sabihin niyan.
salamat sa pagbati, sa mga mensahe at tawag, sa mga dumalo at nakigulo, sa mga nag-iwan ng regalo at iyong kahit walang naiabot, walang katumbas na basbas ang hatid ng pagiging bahagi niyo sa buhay ko.
‘yung mga hindi ko na napasalamatan nang personal, pasensiya na po, gusto ko naman sanang gawin pero mahina po ang kalaban. ahehe… paumanhin din sa mga nagpunta na hindi ko man lang nakausap ni nakumusta. sana naging masaya para sa inyo ang pagdiriwang.
hanggang sa mga taon pang darating, nawa’y makasama ko pa rin kayo sa aking paglalakbay.
Toda rabah! Daghang salamat! Merci Beaucoup! Thank you! Maraming maraming salamat mula sa kaibuturan ng aking puso. ♥
Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam.