WiP [Work in Progress]

Thoughts and ramblings of a Filipino author

Sa mga pagkakataon ng paghuhusga

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Dear novelist EJ,

Reality check.

Tama lang na paniwalaan at itaguyod mo ang sarili mong kakayahan at kagalingan. Kung hindi ka maniniwala sa sarili mo, sino pa ba ang maniniwala sa iyo, hindi ba? Ang tawag diyan ay self-confidence.

Pero ibang usapan ang kayabangan. Hindi dahil naiisip mo na magaling ka, hindi dahil may mga kaibigan at kakilala ka na nagsasabi at ipinaparamdam sa iyo na ikaw ay tunay na talentado, ibig sabihin magaling ka talaga. Na hindi ka karapat-dapat sa paghuhusga ni sa pamumuna.

* from Google Images

Unang una, hindi lang sarili mong paningin at paniniwala (o paningin at paniniwala ng mga taong malalapit sa iyo) ang pamantayan ng kagalingan. Pangalawa, hindi dahil nakapagpalathala ka na ng (higit sa isang) libro, ay tagumpay ka nang matatawag. May tagumpay ka nang nakamit at hindi iyon itatanggi sa iyo. Pero hanggang saan at sa anong kahihinatnan?

Alalahanin mo sana, sa kabila ng katotohanang hindi lahat ng mambabasa ay masisiyahan sa gawa mo kung kaya’t may kalayaan kang isulat ang kung ano’ng gusto mong isulat, dahil lang sa pagkakalathala ng iyong libro ay hinahayaan mo pa din ang sarili mong isailalim ng publiko sa kanilang paghuhusga. Ang publiko na may sari-sariling pananaw, may sari-sariling gusto, may sari-sariling puna.

Mapapabilang at mapapabilang ang gawa mo sa listahan nila ng dapat punahin, maganda man o hindi ang masasabi nila. Kung sakaling iyon ay mala-punyal sa pusong disgusto sa kwento mo, ‘wag mo naman sanang masamain o personalin ang pagpapaabot nila sa iyo (maaaring sa tuwiran o ‘di tuwirang paraan tulad ng isang ‘book review’) ng kanilang pananaw. Sigurado akong hindi naman nila layuning siraan ang pagkatao mo bagaman may mga pagkakataong kulang sa tinatawag na subtlety at finesse ang pagbitiw nila ng salita.

Hindi ko sinasasabing ‘wag ka mag-react na ayon sa inuudyok ng damdamin mo. Magalit ka. Malungkot. Matuwa. Tao ka. Normal iyan. Masakit talagang mapintasan ang isang lathala dahil parang anak iyan. Pinuhunanan ng luha, pawis at dugo.

Sana lang, matapos mo pagbigyan ang bugso ng iyong damdamin, suriin mo ang punang ibinato sa iyo. Baka may nilalaman iyan na dapat mong kapulutan ng aral kahit ba posibleng walang gaanong matalinong basehan ang puna.

Kasi kahit hindi academic in-depth analysis ang pagkaka-husga sa gawa mo, may kahalo iyong damdamin at mabigat iyon bilang basehan ng paghuhusga. Nasasabi niya ang sinasabi niya dahil sa tindi o kawalan ng naramdaman niya habang binabasa ang kwento mo.

Bilang isang manunulat na may malawak na pag-iisip, may matibay na paniniwala sa sariling kakayahan, may tunay na layuning maging mas mabuti pa bilang manunulat, at may kababaan ng loob na amining hindi mo naman alam ang lahat sa karerang ito sa kabila ng ipinagmamalaki mong talino at kakayahan, uulitin ko lang, pigilan mo ang magmayabang.

Good luck sa mga susunod mo pang gawa at alalahanin, hindi nakakababa ng pagkatao ang umamin ng kahinaan at kamalian.

Best wishes,

Your alter-ego Jette

Changes

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* from Google Images

Everyone thinks of changing the world BUT no one thinks of changing himself. – Leo Tolstoy

The rainy season came while I was still in Manila. While we at home weren’t exactly affected much from the downpour, I have a very good idea of how it is to experience wading and slopping through murky flood water. I grew up in Sta. Mesa, Manila and we’d almost always be underwater, lasting for days, during the stormy months.

There’s also this punishment of getting stuck in hours upon hours of traffic, making the highways look nothing more than a huge parking lot. If traffic wasn’t enough of a difficulty, imagine also the unavailability of public transport, commuters being subjected to unscrupulous drivers averse to plowing flooded streets and so charge the poor wet and cold individual an obscene amount of money for fare.

And then you hear in the news how Manila residents are actually even irritated at the slow response of the government to provide a solution to the flooding.

Like, duh?

People of the Philippines, why always think our problems are because the government isn’t doing enough? Why can’t we conclude that sometimes, sometimes lang naman, the problem isn’t getting solved because we are not doing our part to be a solution to the problem?

Gobyerno ba ang may kasalanan sa baha? Bakit? Sila lang ba ang nagtatapon ng basura sa daan at mga estero? Batas? Anong batas? Tayo-tayo din naman ang bumabali sa batas. Ano ‘yun?

Leo Tolstoy is right. We want change? How can the world change when we, in our own simple way, are not willing to accept nor undergo change?

Wala lang, I’m just ranting.

Four questions

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A scrupulous writer, in every sentence that he writes, will ask himself at least four questions, thus: What am I trying to say? What words will express it? What image or idiom will make it clearer? Is this image fresh enough to have an effect? And he will probably ask himself two more: Could I put it more shortly? Have I said anything that is avoidably ugly?

GEORGE ORWELL

* via @AdviceToWriters on Twitter

On a diet (I need to lose weight!!!)

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I am currently on a diet. I started dieting February this year after countless advise, reminders and appeals that I do, more for health reasons than aesthetic. I never did because again, I’m the type who does not give in to constant nagging. But I started feeling really unhealthy – knees and ankles hurt a lot because I’ve become too heavy for them; weird palpitations. Plus, I started to look really awful even in large, loose clothes.

So I did.

* from Google Images

I didn’t enroll in a gym or fitness class. Didn’t consult a dietitian. Nothing really very extraordinary. I just downloaded an iOS app – My Fitness Pal – to monitor my calorie intake. From a … I don’t even remember how much I used to consume daily, although I’m sure they could pretty well be over 3,000 and on a sedentary lifestyle, too … I needed to cut down to 1,200cals daily. Waaaahhhh! Such a punishment!

But it worked. Four months and I’ve lost 20lbs. Plus, I feel lighter and healthier. I can run up and down staircases and not feel like I’m going to collapse from fatigue and shortness of breath. If I couple this with exercise, I’d stand to lose more. But one at a time. Still too lazy to go out of my lazy routine to move my ass. I will. Eventually.

One valuable thing I learned from this diet regimen, which I’d like to share because this is the most common misconception on dieting… not eating rice is not the answer to a slimmer you. Or generally, avoiding carbs. The key is to eat foodies in moderation. And to eat healthier items. Carbs are not enemies. They’re friendly enough. The unfriendly (note that I didn’t say they are enemies) foodies are chips, sodas, juice concentrate, processed food (noodles, canned meat, etc). Chocolates and other sweets are okay too, but again, in moderation.

The key to dieting is not to deprive your system of certain foods. The more you deprive yourself, the more you will crave and the harder it will be to avoid it. You’ll end up binge-eating. Just know the nutritional and caloric content of any food item and let that guide you.

So now… let’s eat! 😀

Why I Love (and will always love) Neil Gaiman

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I want to say first, thanks Gypsy Esguerra for this post on Neil Gaiman on your FB timeline which I saw on my news feed. I took the time to look up the transcription on Google because I currently have sabaw internet connection. I will watch the whole thing when I get home where I have high-speed internet.

I’ve known of a part of this speech, apparently. I saw the quote proliferating online during graduation time just this March. I had thought it was just one of Mr. Gaiman’s witty quips. I didn’t know it was from an honest-to-goodness keynote address to a graduating class. Of course, having read the whole, I could only sigh and think, Neil Gaiman is just such a brilliant man.

Many of the things he said in his speech holds true for me. I had no plan, too, of what I wanted to be, what I wanted to achieve when I left college. Heck, I went through college not really knowing why I was taking up the course I took up. It was a degree that could get me a college diploma, nothing more. It wasn’t an assurance for me that it would be a career although I was willing to make my life in that industry. But like Neil (feeling close?), I made things up as I went along.

Until I found writing.

You can look at the about me tab on this site that tells the story of how I started out in this career. However, this post isn’t about me finally finding my niche in the world. It’s about why I think I am now in a slump. Which brings me to the main feature of this entry: The Keynote Address.

Passage 1

I decided that I would do my best in future not to write books just for the money. If you didn’t get the money, then you didn’t have anything. If I did work I was proud of, and I didn’t get the money, at least I’d have the work.

I gave up my day job and finally decided I could and wanted to make a real career out of being a novelist. Then at some point, my manuscripts took form as answers to my financial needs. If I wanted to spend for something, I thought of achieving it in terms of manuscripts approved.

Really, there’s nothing wrong with that. A lot of writers I know and respect do look at their career as a means to answer financial needs alone. Apparently, it doesn’t work for me. How else do I explain the drought I am now experiencing? I put myself in some kind of pressure I am not able to meet and so I get depressed over the non-achievement therefore contributing further to the slump.

And then this… Passage 2:

“This is really great. You should enjoy it.” (quoted by Gaiman as Stephen King’s comment on his work)

And I didn’t. Best advice I got that I ignored.Instead I worried about it. I worried about the next deadline, the next idea, the next story. There wasn’t a moment for the next fourteen or fifteen years that I wasn’t writing something in my head, or wondering about it. And I didn’t stop and look around and go, this is really fun. I wish I’d enjoyed it more. It’s been an amazing ride. But there were parts of the ride I missed, because I was too worried about things going wrong, about what came next, to enjoy the bit I was on.

Because Peso signs began to attach to images of my finished manuscripts, I started to lose the pure enjoyment of writing. I started to get tired of this ‘job’ I purposefully put myself into. I had become too obsessed with making sure everything was technically perfect that I forgot that I loved writing. Period.

And so, I will put back my joy, my love, myself in my work and make it once more my passion.

If you’re interested to read/watch Neil Gaiman’s speech, click here.

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