#TenThingsNotToSayToAWriter

Ooohh! Okay, am jumping on the bandwagon and doing a blog entry on this Twitter trending hashtag.

Quite a number of people have screwed ideas of what a writer’s life is like and we get asked really uhm… stupid and insensitive questions. Here are my pet peeves:

1. Your book/s is/are not available on/at (name of bookstore/area). When will they deliver your books here?

Uhm… ask the damned sales people from the store. I have no idea why you can’t find my book there or when the delivery is. I’m a writer, not a sales agent nor a delivery person. This is actually worse when I get askes about someone else’s book/s not being available at some reader’s locale.

2. If you are experiencing writer’s block, I have an idea for a plot I can share…

Thank you for thinking about me but you know, I do not believe in writer’s block. I am simply lazy. And I do know how to think of a plot. Most importantly, if I want your opinion, I’ll ask for it. 🙂

 3. Isulat mo naman ‘yung kwento ko (Write about my love story)

Uhm… no offense, but is your story interesting enough for readers to patronize? Do you honestly want to tell me your and your significant other’s dirty little secrets? Because you know, the juicy parts are what makes a story sell. Plus, err… unless I like you, as in like your personality and stuff, I have a tendency to kill off characters whom I do not like.

image from scifi.stackexchange.com

4. How much do you earn as a writer?

If you’re not my mother or father or my husband or anyone who has claim to my salary like my offspring, I will not discuss this with you. Have you not heard? It’s unethical to discuss about compensation and especially not at a public forum like FB or Twitter or this blog.

5. Penge namang compli! (Give me a complimentary copy); or, Saan ako makakabasa ng work mo na libre (Where can I read your works for free)

I do give away complimentary copies of my book but unless you are my mother, or my best friend, or my best friend’s mother, or people whom I have told I will give complimentary copies to, you are not entitled to ask me for freebies. Writing may be my passion, my art, but this is also my livelihood. I might as well go begging in the streets if I start writing for free.

6. You’re my favorite writer! *Yeah? Which of my works is your favorite?* I don’t remember the title.

DO NOT BULLSHIT ME. If you want to befriend me, am fine with that but understand you do not need to pretend you’ve read my work. I don’t base friendships on the number of my books you have read.

7. Oh, you mean like Twilight/Stephenie Meyer, Fifty Shades/EL James… Why don’t you write like them?

FVCK OFF.

8. Nagsusulat ka pa ba / Are you still writing?

Yes, and if you are asking me this because you have been waiting too long (so you say) for my next novel, I assure you, I am not dead. In case you didn’t know, stories do not magically appear overnight. And I do have a life outside of writing.

9. Bakit ang tagal? Madali lang naman magsulat, magaling ka diyan. / What’s taking so long? Isn’t it easy to write? You’re very good at that, anyway.

Yeah! It’s so easy to convert my ideas on paper and I’m really good at it. It’s just like… uhm… shedding blood or shitting boulders or peeing acid. Real easy breezy! Shithead…

10. Ang yaman mo na siguro. Tsaka sikat. / You’re probably rich and famous by now.

I wouldn’t know. Much as this is my livelihood, I don’t count my earnings and aim to be rich. Unlike many of the young aspiring writers of today I have had the (mis)fortune of meeting, the main reason I am an author is not to be famous or to earn millions. I just want to write the stories I have in my head.

Best rule to follow so you don’t piss us off? Please just be considerate. And sensitive. And don’t be an idiot.

Cheers!