I know there is strength to my character somewhere there, somehow. But I’m also a snivelling glob of emotionally insecure humanity according to this blog I found. Hey, I’m high emotional maintenance, what can I say? I’m emotionally weak because emotionally strong people…:
1. They don’t beg for attention.
I want attention, but I don’t naman beg. Or maybe I do but I don’t speak out.
2. They don’t allow others to bring them down.
I get sad and affected with others’ comments about me (especially when they’re negative and unfounded). Pero I won’t commit suicide because of it.
3. They don’t hold grudges.
I do. I don’t make a big deal about it by confronting people outright pero trust me. Parang peklat mula sa sugat ‘yan. Nawawala ‘yung sakit pero naiiwan ‘yung marka. Nabibilang ko ‘yun. And the closer you are to me as a friend, the deeper that scratch mark is.
4. They never stop doing their own thing.
Yup, this one I can own up to. Sabi ko nga, I super hate being told what to do. I have to discover on my own what I want and what I’m comfortable with. ‘Wag niyo akong kulitin about what you think is better.
5. They never stop believing in themselves.
To an extent, yes. Alam ko naman na may abilidad ako at alam ko kung hanggang saan ang makakaya ko. Pero minsan, kapag wala namang affirmation coming from anywhere, nakakawala din ng gana.
6. They don’t act like bitches or assholes.
Oh, but I do! Especially when the other person deserves it.
7. They know better than to let just anyone in their lives.
Hmm… I choose, yes, but really I’m such an open book, once a person overcomes my usual initial kasungitan. Siguro that’s why I get hurt easily. Iniisip ko na everyone is just as truthful and selfless about sharing themselves as I am.
8. They aren’t afraid to love.
Oo nga, kaya nga mabilis ako masaktan, eh. Mapa-friend, mapa-romantic relationship, I don’t hold back.
9. They don’t lie in bed dreading the day ahead.
Uhm, depende kapag may deadline ako na hindi ko ma-meet at naba-bother ako nang bongga how the hell I am ever going to explain to my boss that I can’t deliver.
10. Theyre not afraid of slowing down.
Pucha, naka-park na nga yata ako eh…
11. They don’t do things they don’t want to do.
I do them pero masamang masama sa loob ko. See below.
12. They have no problem saying ‘no.’
Oh, but I do. Mabilis ako i-bully lalo na ng mga taong malalapit at mahalaga sa akin. Doormat nga ako.
13. They don’t ‘forget’ to give back.
Oo naman. Tumatanaw ako ng utang na loob. Ibinabalik ko ang pabor na ibinigay sa akin, higit pa sa natanggap ko. Lalo na kapag masama ang ginawa sa akin. >:)
14. They don’t feel the need to fit in.
Yes and no. I want to feel accepted but I’m not sure if that means wanting to fit in. But I can survive being quiet in a corner kahit may nagaganap na party at walang pumapansin sa akin.
15. They don’t forget that happiness is a decision.
Oo naman. Pero minsan kapag nasosobrahan ng lungkot, kailangan ipaalala sa sarili na hindi worth it ang pagiging malungkot.
If I’m this way, then I should think it wouldn’t be easy being my friend. So thank you to those who have stuck with me, loved me, mollycoddled me all throughout this erratic and needy behavior and still plan on being friends with me for a longer time still. I love you all!