I want to say first, thanks Gypsy Esguerra for this post on Neil Gaiman on your FB timeline which I saw on my news feed. I took the time to look up the transcription on Google because I currently have sabaw internet connection. I will watch the whole thing when I get home where I have high-speed internet.
I’ve known of a part of this speech, apparently. I saw the quote proliferating online during graduation time just this March. I had thought it was just one of Mr. Gaiman’s witty quips. I didn’t know it was from an honest-to-goodness keynote address to a graduating class. Of course, having read the whole, I could only sigh and think, Neil Gaiman is just such a brilliant man.
Many of the things he said in his speech holds true for me. I had no plan, too, of what I wanted to be, what I wanted to achieve when I left college. Heck, I went through college not really knowing why I was taking up the course I took up. It was a degree that could get me a college diploma, nothing more. It wasn’t an assurance for me that it would be a career although I was willing to make my life in that industry. But like Neil (feeling close?), I made things up as I went along.
Until I found writing.
You can look at the about me tab on this site that tells the story of how I started out in this career. However, this post isn’t about me finally finding my niche in the world. It’s about why I think I am now in a slump. Which brings me to the main feature of this entry: The Keynote Address.
Passage 1
I decided that I would do my best in future not to write books just for the money. If you didn’t get the money, then you didn’t have anything. If I did work I was proud of, and I didn’t get the money, at least I’d have the work.
I gave up my day job and finally decided I could and wanted to make a real career out of being a novelist. Then at some point, my manuscripts took form as answers to my financial needs. If I wanted to spend for something, I thought of achieving it in terms of manuscripts approved.
Really, there’s nothing wrong with that. A lot of writers I know and respect do look at their career as a means to answer financial needs alone. Apparently, it doesn’t work for me. How else do I explain the drought I am now experiencing? I put myself in some kind of pressure I am not able to meet and so I get depressed over the non-achievement therefore contributing further to the slump.
And then this… Passage 2:
“This is really great. You should enjoy it.” (quoted by Gaiman as Stephen King’s comment on his work)
And I didn’t. Best advice I got that I ignored.Instead I worried about it. I worried about the next deadline, the next idea, the next story. There wasn’t a moment for the next fourteen or fifteen years that I wasn’t writing something in my head, or wondering about it. And I didn’t stop and look around and go, this is really fun. I wish I’d enjoyed it more. It’s been an amazing ride. But there were parts of the ride I missed, because I was too worried about things going wrong, about what came next, to enjoy the bit I was on.
Because Peso signs began to attach to images of my finished manuscripts, I started to lose the pure enjoyment of writing. I started to get tired of this ‘job’ I purposefully put myself into. I had become too obsessed with making sure everything was technically perfect that I forgot that I loved writing. Period.
And so, I will put back my joy, my love, myself in my work and make it once more my passion.
If you’re interested to read/watch Neil Gaiman’s speech, click here.
That Passage 1 and 2 made me think… and relax. I was at the point where I’m beginning to hate myself again for not being able to write but after listening to this (for the 20th time, I think) his voice keeps echoing in my head as if I’m listening to a priest. But I did love him more because of this. Marami pa siyang sinabi na gusto kong marinig rin ng iba, lalo na ng mga freelance artist, at dahil rin dito kaya mas naging desidido na kong pag-ipunan at bilhin ang bagong libro niya… >_<
During his first trip to Manila in 2005, nag-declare kami (Queng, Gay, Pam and I) ng holiday sa office just to be able to attend a forum tas pumila kami sa book-signing niya. He’s the nicest ever. Walang air and sobrang gracious. I really really love his work. And him. Hehe!